It has been nearly a year since I have blogged on here. Many reasons, family, health, and just other things happening.
I have thought for a long time, about some of the family “secrets”?, scandals, and generally sad events, and behaviours that may upset or offend some readers.
The way I think of these issues is that most of them happened well over 100 years ago, or at least in the late/early part of the 1800’s and early 1900’s.
Some of these events could make a difference to who someone thinks they are within the Heneker clan. One person in particular is a cousin and friend, or at least we thought he was, now it turns out that due to a marital break and re-marriage, he is actually part of a totally different family. Part of this was noticed when he had his DNA done via Ancestry and we did not match, yet believed we were both from the Heneker clan. He now has found a totally different family, and has met many relatives. At first, it was very difficult for him, and also, he had done an amazing job of building his family tree, and with a lot of research and referencing involved. The way I look at it, as we talked about it is, the person who was his relative was still connected to the Heneker family originally via marriage, so we have a connection through history and family members.
I am at the stage in wanting to add other stories to this blog. As I previously mentioned, I am unsure if printing this information will offend some people. However, as I have already stated, many of these events took place 80-100 years ago. And my thoughts are, would you rather know the truth?? as continuing on thinking we are part of a particular family group, when in fact we are not connected by blood at all, is actually counter intuitive. And just not the truth. I know I would want to know if I have a blood family out there that I had no idea about.
So my concern over the last year has been what to do? I am now at a point where I feel that the information I have found out, has all come about via newspaper articles on Trove. Whilst they have often taken a lot of further research to come to the truth, the fact is that information printed on Trove should start us thinking, if we recognise that “what is all this about, I didn’t know any of this”? As Trove is public and freely open for anyone to read, keeping it all a secret, or at least not making it known, will only be a matter of time before someone/somewhere will find information they weren’t aware of, and might be unpalatable to them.
Therefore, I think I will now start to write up sometimes not palatable information. But truthful, insightful and also, for us to remember, much of what happened was also part of the times these people lived in. We now live in a more open society. Also, I see that many younger people are now turning to genealogy, and I believe they are more open about things that in the past, were considered secretive and needed to be kept hidden.
My aim is not to offend or upset anyone. If anyone who reads this has any thoughts, either way, I would love to hear them. I am very open to this. As a Librarian, we were expected to be non judgemental in books etc that often told stories that many found offensive. I would never intend to offend anyone.
Also I believe much of what was a scandal back in the day, is not such an issue now. Times have changed and people’s thoughts and ideas have changed.
2 thoughts on “Family Secrets”
Tell the stories as they are, in quotes if you like. If someone is offended, then they would be offended no matter what.
The stories or “scandals” are relative to the time period. Awareness will not change what has happened.
Keep doing what you like to do.
From: Heneker – a Pioneering family from Kent to South Australia
Thanks so much Chas. You are so right, what you have said is so true, and I really appreciate your wisdom. I think I have been in touch with you before re your family tree online. It is so beautifully done, and so well researched. Once again thank you for taking the time to reply and your wise words.
Vicki Heneker (Lovell).